I decided to dig deep into the archives of my personal journal for this entry.
I’d like to recount the last date I had which was earlier this summer. Yeah, the last time I went on a date was in June. Go ahead, make fun of me. But I honestly don’t date that often and when I do it takes alot of courage because believe it or not I’m shy around men and I’ve become increasingly frustrated with how dating is even supposed to work. I try to be myself but its obviously not working!!!!
We will call this guy Corey, and no that’s not his real name. I actually have no problem using his real name but I’m trying to be classy here. We met online and this date also marks the last time I ever decided to do online dating. It’s important to note that he had asked me out in some last minute date effort several times before I told him I don’t do last minute and that he must properly plan a date before I would accept.
June 1, 2013
Tonight was a gentle reminder that I will most likely be alone forever living in a house with cats if I continue to have the dating experiences I’ve had the last few years. Maybe its because I’m old and crotchety. Maybe its because I’m picky. But…my red flag meter went up with this dude. I’m literally feeling like there is no hope at all for me in the dating world and I need to start freezing my eggs yesterday because only crazy dudes are into me and I should just give up.
I tried to look cute and pull myself together. I did my hair, put on make up etc. I took pictures and sent them to my friends who approved, so I was ready to go. I’m glad we were only going to TGIFriday’s because it was right around the corner from me and it felt noncommital. And I could leave my house in 2 minutes and be there immediately.
I get there and Corey is already waiting for me. He told me he believes in being punctual which is nice. I totally appreciate it because I hate waiting for people because its awkward. So he walked in and he was kinda cute. He has tattoos all over his arms and chest which is hot. So I was staring like:
We sit down and we both talk about how hungry we are. And I was digging it because I like food and I enjoy talking about food. We order drinks and get food. I helped him order a beer because he couldn’t figure out what he wanted. The waiter was super cute by the way (totally unimportant to this story, just a fun fact). Corey starts talking immediately about how he went hiking this morning which was a cool story for about 5 minutes. But it went on for like 20. Sorry, but I hate listening to people talk about working out. Its not interesting to me. I don’t care. Especially when I don’t care about my own workout routine, why would I want to listen to yours? In detail? He then proceeded to tell me he did 400 crunches before our date. And I was “Cool story, bro!” But not really because who cares? Maybe its because I’m fat and I just give zero fucks about it but I have no interest in hearing that shit. Especially on a first date. And I was eating mozzarella sticks like my life depended on it.
Corey starts launching into what I thought was going to be a funny (short) story about a girl he was dating before me (awkward) but then it turned into 30 minutes of him asking me my opinion on this bitch he dated and if he handled it correctly.
So I was like..
I mean, this story was complete with him telling me this girl was stalking him and how she showed up at his house and was in love with him after 1 month of dating. I’m sorry but that is just a really inappropriate start to a first date. How can a 33 year old man NOT know that? So I was turned off. Since I have a hard time turning off my facial expressions he could tell I was like annoyed so he straight up told me that he likes talking about his exes so girls can know what he’s been through.
Sorry, bro. We all have war stories. Don’t need to hear about it on the first date.
Then he throws in the kicker that he has not been married just once but TWICE. And not only has 2 kids (that are biologically his) but is also basically co-parenting his second ex wife’s TWO KIDS FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. AND THEY ARE TEENAGERS.
So I was like…
Because…no. I was leery about the 2 kids and divorce I knew about. But then for him to mention 2 other kids and another ex wife. That just seems like a lot for me at the age of 27. I mean, can we say complicated! OH! And he and his ex live in the same apartment complex. So…yeah.
So for the rest of the date I was eating and had this expression on my face as he continued to tell me more about his dramatic ass life:
Corey didn’t ask me any questions about myself which annoyed me because I’m not sure what he walked away knowing me. I learned his whole damn life story but he didn’t ask me a thing about me. I could have just walked out of prison and he would have never known it because he didn’t ask me anything. Anytime I tried to direct the conversation to more neutral topics he would bring it back to himself. Which is annoying. I think part of it was nervous chatter because he was clearly nervous but I’m wondering if part of it was douchebaggery. Who knows?
I drank 2 long island ice teas which is a light night of drinking for me and he made a comment about my booze costing more than my meal which was annoying because BITCH DON’T KILL MY VIBE. Any person that makes a comment about my drinking immediately gets the side eye because I am a social drinker and I think its rude to comment on people drinking. Is it just me? Because I think its rude. Just like when you comment on someone’s eating a lot.
The check comes and I politely do what I do all the time and put my card up to pay, which is when the guy should then say some shit like “Oh I got this” or something. Especially after this guy just finished telling me how much money he made and how awesome his job is. But no. He took one look at the check and said, “Oh they charged me 4 dollars more for my steak. I’m sending the check back and then we can split it.”
At that point I was pretty much done.
I’m sorry but we are grown. This dude is 33 years old. You take a woman out on a date to TGIFriday’s and you need to pay for her $25.00 meal. I found that incredibly insulting actually. I guess that’s why he was making comments about my ordering drinks because he didn’t want to have to pay for them. Which makes him the second guy I’ve gone out with in the last year who seemed to have a qualm about the amount of drinks I was having.
When the check got fixed he asked me how much I was tipping which I found to be TACKY. He also made a comment tonight about how my boobs were hanging out of my shirt. I actually had tasteful boobage tonight. It’s not like my nipples were sticking out. So my breasts and I were annoyed about that, we were offended.
He walked me to my car and said he wanted to go out again and gave me a hug.
Not gonna lie, I’m disappointed. So my overall impression of this date was…
I felt like my entire night would have been better spent with a bottle of wine, Game of Thrones and a eating a pizza by myself or something.
Nobody tells you how ridiculous dating is when you do it for real. It’s not like the movies!!!!